Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (ATHFCMFT) is a cinematic blessing that will surely lead to better film making in the future. Thank you writer and directors Matt Maiellaro and Dave Willis for creating a movie that opens the way for the next great novel.
This is where I usually do my plot summary, but because I have no idea what the plot of “ATHFCMFT” was, I’m skipping that part. I will say I did get something about a work out machine, a weird guy and Abe Lincoln. I did have an epiphany during this movie, “ATHFCMFT” could actually force film companies to make better movies.
“ATHFCMFT” is full of idiotic jokes. There is a plot that wanders away like an Alzheimer’s patient. It only seems to come home when a child turns it around and leads it back to its retirement home. Ten minutes into the movie I desperately wanted the recipe for “Who Framed Rodger Rabbit’s” “Dip”. That way I could permanently exterminate these half joked cartoon morons forever. Where do Dana Snyder, Dave Willis, Carey Means (Master Shake, Meatwad and Frylock), Matt Maiellaro and Dave Willis live so that I might send my ninja henchmen after them? Why doesn’t this have an “S” for Stupid warning? And what the F**k?
Then I realized this must be how the government is going to do the much alluded to “Morons and Idiots Census.” Hopefully while all the single digit IQers are all in the same place they will release gas the theaters that will sterilize them and this will permanently stop their substandard genes from entering our gene pool. It would be best if the government made the sterilizer of something sticky so all of his friends and family would suffer the same fate. When all the morons are dead, the movie industry would have no reason to make “ATHFCMFT,” “Norbit,” “White Chicks” or any other ridiculously stupid movies. Furthermore because all of these idiots and their families have been wiped out, I suspect all our insurance rates would go down. The idiots who drive too fast, break into houses and get stuck in chimneys would become extinct, which would mean fewer accidents and lower rates. Their idiotic enabling parents would be dead also so thus ending the idiot-moron cycle. People around the world could rejoice because they once again could breathe fart free air. The lack of farts in the air would cut down on methane, a green house gas. The reduction in intentional flatulence methane could improve global warming. A reduction in global warming would stop all potential flooding. People all over the world could breathe more easily. Pollution related asthma rates would drop dramatically in children and the elderly. Eventually asthma would become a tale for the history books, a song for the playgrounds. Parents wouldn’t have the pain of worry of their children’s pain anymore and could spend their sorry time trying to find a cure for AIDS. When AIDS is cured people who would have otherwise died can contribute to the world in new, awesome ways. One of them would write the next great literary work that revolutionized thinking and improved the moral fabric of the world. That AIDS survivor would then sell the rights to a movie company. The “Idiot Movie” producers, viewers, directors, writers are all dead by now so the movie companies put huge resources into a movie that will change the world. Now that the world only has those intelligent enough to string full sentences together left, they all are touched by this orgasmic cinematic experience.
Who knew one dreadful movie could do so much for the world.
“ATHFCMFT” is an abomination. No, I recant that, as abominations have more class and make more sense than “ATHFCMFT.” There is no excuse for such a rambling, irritating, bunch of almost jokes drawn together into a mind melting, IQ depressing, movie blunder. This movie has caused me to reconsider my absolute positions on blacking listing, censorship and free speech.